Sharing the Road

As I draw a close to this month's activities, I am reminded that there are all different types of people/driver's in the world. This is found more profoundly in the way people drive. I, being the professional driver that I am, watch these people every day, all day long. I see drivers who are in a hurry because their business is most important, drivers who are going slower than the rest for various reasons, (IE:watching the scenery, wrecks or emergency vehicles, or just are scared to drive in traffic), and those who are trying their best to stay out of everyone else's way.

These drivers are those who might be driving a sports car, a SUV, a pick-up, a school bus, a camper, a bus or even a semi. I watch them weave in and out of traffic, using their cell phones, talking to passengers and most disturbing, reading or using a laptop all while driving. We wonder why there are more accidents and more people not paying attention to what should be the most important thing while behind the wheel, the road and traffic!

In this day and age, with all the new handy dandy gadgets to communicate, what ever happened to good ole' fashioned driving. I understand on a long trip it is nice to have someone to talk to, or something to chat through, but while driving, the most important focus should be on the road. After all, isn't it the road that will get you from point A to point B?

I am also talking about the semi drivers as well. They are not above this. I see some weave their trucks with up to 80,000 pounds of freight and machinery while trying to talk on the phone or play on a laptop or even text someone. I refuse to text while driving, that is something that would definitely take my attention off the road and my eyes.

And let's try to remember that we all have to drive on these roads together. What ever happened to common decency and driver courtesy? I remember when I first started driving a semi, truckers were courteous and more than willing to help each other out. That was only 15 years ago. Now all I see are those who are out for themselves and to hell with the other guy! It's almost a "your first, after me" attitude.

Someone is coming down an on ramp to yield into traffic, if the way is clear, I will move over to let them in. Then I have noticed that most drivers coming down the on ramp don't even look to see if the way is clear! There are those times, in heavy traffic mostly, that the way is not clear for me to move over, these people just barrel down the on ramp like the world should stop for them to get on. They don't speed up or slow down and I have even had them try to run me off the road to get in. (remember, I drive the big truck, they have a car...not a good idea)

I have seen truckers put on their signal and move over without even looking making a car swerve out of their way. And the truckers wonder why people are leery of them when passing.

If anyone understands frustration on the road, it is I because I have been in Chicago traffic on a Friday afternoon, or New York City right before rush hour. I try to keep calm and listen to my radio and I don't do anything but watch out for everyone else. You see, I look way up ahead and to the sides all the time because if anything happened, I need to be able to respond quickly due to the weight of my vehicle and I know how it responds to certain movements.

If you are out there, sharing the road with me, please remember to be courteous and remember, I have a family too and a life off the road. Don't text someone or use your laptop or forget that others are sharing the road with you. Thank you.

Reconnecting

There is something to be said for knowing who you are as oppossed to knowing what you do, who you know and what you show to the world. I have had some interesting experiences in my life, but none would surrpass this past Friday.

But before I can tell you about what took place, first I must give you some background. I have lived most of my life in the south, Alabama and Tennessee, until the past 8 years. I moved back to the state of my birth to help my paternal grandmother heal from a broken hip. Once she was ok, I then ventured into the Erie area to visit my sister and her other half only to see the most breathtaking view of Lake Erie during the spring. I took one look and had to live there by the water where I am now residing with my other half and a roomate as well as 3 cats and 1 bearded dragon. (Now you know part of the reason I drive truck during the week. lol)

I grew up in the heart of the Bible belt and spent a lot of time in Church and things associated with Church. So you could say I was well versed in "spriritual" matters with all the Bible lessons, services and other things I attended on a regular basis. Since then, I have come into my own so-to-speak by reading a lot, praying a lot and just meditating to find the truth. I know where I am going and where I've been. I know who hold the future and who holds my hand.

So you can understand when I finally acknowledged myself as a lesbian, it went against everything I was ever taught. But I found a truth that is my own as everyone must in his or her life. I am at peace with who I am and I couldn't have been blessed with a better spouse than the one in my life now! I also came to terms with the gift God has given me of intuition. I didn't want to believe it, but I know now that I can't deny what I have anymore than I can deny who I am.

Now mind you, my parents divorced on my 8th birthday. My Father was killed in an automobile accident when he was 39 years old, and just 10 months later, my mother died. I was 17 and 9 months pregnant with my first child when she passed away. One month later I had, which would have been, the first grandchild. She now has 2 children of her own and is doing great!

I have never seen or heard anything from their passing since then. People go to mediums and spiritulists to get answers, I never heard a word. Did I believe that our loved ones who have passed on comes back and pops in every now and again...not really. Due to my strict upbringing I couldn't believe that our loved ones came back and was told that they weren't our loved ones, but demons. I believe now, through research and my own private prayers, that it is possible and that people can have messages from our loved ones from beyond, because they come back to help us.

Now that you have some background, I can continue with my story।

My significant other, my roommate and I decided to go to Lily Dale, NY. (the best I can do is give this website to describe it: www.lilydaleassembly.com) I went with trepedation wondering what would happen and what I would find. I found a peace that I have never found anywhere else. I walked into their assembly hall and immediately felt a peace and God's presence. We listened to the speakers and I was totally at rest within. After the service, we went to another message service at another location on the grounds. I was praying all the while that my roommate would get a message that would help her with her decisions and help give her some understanding of what she was going through. I really wasn't thinking too much of myself at that point because I figured if my loved ones wanted to tell me something, they would. (especially if you ever knew my loved ones!) So at the second message service, my other half got a message from her grandmother and it was very positive. Then we went to another message service and my roommate got 2 messages from 2 different speakers while my other half received yet another message. I did not receive any message however and was ok with that. What I had received is acceptance within myself of my gifts and of who I am. At the second message service, my other half met up with someone who used to counsel at her high school in Hopewell, PA and found that she was a medium and lived on the grounds. She was very surprised to see her and was grateful that she had the opportunity to visit with her. We then went to a healing service which helped me to focus and meditate on positive energy and God, which is one in the same.
So you see it was a very delightful day and we all came away with a renewed sense of peace and encouragement.

Now here is where it get's more interesting. After we left, we went to Bob Evans to get some dinner. We went in, got a table and I was on the phone with my daughter finalizing some plans for later that night. I then returned a friend's call and was off the phone talking with my friends when a lady from the table accross the isle came over and said, "excuse me, I am sorry, I never do this, but there has been a gentleman with you ever since you came in." She was talking directly to me! Later my other half told me she noticed her and her husband watching me from the time we came in until she said something to me. I looked at her and told her to go on. She then asked if there was a man with glasses who was close to me like a brother, I said yes. She then told me the message he was giving her for me, that he wanted to give me a smiley face and that he was very happy with me and the things I was doing in my life. She also said he wanted me to not be afraid to open up and to "smell the roses". I told her I knew what she was meaning. She then told me he wants me to explore what I have learned and my gifts. I thanked her and again she apologized and I ensured her it was ok when she told us that they lived at Lily Dale. I then looked at my friends and they were diligently eating their dinners. Then my Girlfriend said, "only you, and only in a Bob Evans!" We all laughed. I then turned around to eat, and got the overwhelming message to validate her since she stepped out on faith! So I got her attention and told her my brother was alive still, however, my father had passed away when he was only 39 and that made a lot more sense to her and she thanked me. Then when they got ready to leave, the husband put his hand on my shoulder as he was leaving, he said that the man wanted me to know that a very important job opportunity would open up within the next 6 months from somewhere I would never expect it. I thanked them and asked God to bless them. I am certain it was my dear ole dad.

So you see, I learned a lot that day. 1. To trust from within., 2. To dare to believe in what is seen and what is not seen., 3. To never give up my faith., 4. I am never alone., 5. The most important of all is that I learned to believe in me. Funny how things have a way of finding you in the most unusual places, like a Bob Evans.

Ex's & Fishes

Either you remain friends with them, or you hate them. OK, maybe not hate, but loathing definitely comes to mind.

Through life we all have those we have fallen madly in love with or those we have settled for but sooner or later, we all have an ex or two or three depending on the individual lifestyle.

My first ex-husband was very abusive and I was a very naive girl when we married. I had just lost my father and was lost myself when everyone thought the bright idea would be to go with him because he could "take care" of me. Oh he took care of me all right. Two years and two children later, I found myself divorced with two small children under the age of two and only 19 myself. Not to mention the traumatic scars he left behind on me emotionally. I was 1500 miles away from any family and the only choice I had was to stand or fall. I stood. He definitely became a man I "loathed".

My second ex-husband was a very kind man and very big hearted. We had met online and became fast friends. I was still struggling with the whole "gay" issue and trying to be the good "christian" woman so when he asked me to marry him, I said yes thinking I would put an end to the struggle once and for all. Of course we all know that wouldn't happen because inside I was miserable. It took he and I about a year to figure out that we weren't as compatible as we thought. He went back out on the road and moved back to the south. He and I are still friends.

If you are intimate with someone, the emotions are so up front that it can be almost mind boggling. Some people can cut off the emotion and just enjoy the sex while others have to be all emotional and then try to connect the sex to the emotions. That would mean that if there is sex, there is emotion and therefore the two cannot survive without each other.

When there is intimacy between two people who have known one another a long time, then there is understanding and communication. Of course there is also emotion because there was an actual intellectual attraction in the first place for them to become friends.

So if there is an intellectual and a physical attraction, intimacy become natural and mutual respect and understanding is there as well. The hard part of all this is when an intimacy is born out of a physical attraction only. The intellectual did not exist. Then you find yourself not strong enough to pull away and base your decisions on emotion instead of logic.

Those, including myself, that have been caught up in the moment so to speak, find that they are just that, caught. It is like watching a fish that has just been caught flopping around on the ground usually causing more injury to themselves than the one that caught them. If the fish succeeds and finds itself back in the water, (maybe the line broke, maybe it was severed and maybe they were able to flop around enough to make it to the edge of the boat and jump), either way, they are still injured and have to take the time to heal. For some, healing is long because the scars are so deep. For others, they heal quickly and are able to be lured again. Still, there are those who after being "caught" again and again never learn from the mistakes they made the first few times. I find myself among those who have been "caught" a few times not learning because of ignorance or stubbornness.It takes that that one time being caught that something snaps and the realization of it all comes flooding in.

I have learned now from my mistakes and although I can be lured, the decision to strike and take that bite is mine and mine alone. Caution is no more thrown to the wind in hopes of "finding that one true love".

Love is something that takes time, respect, consideration and ultimately becomes a choice that we make.

So you see, exes are a good thing because they have taught us how to look inside ourselves and realize the strength we had all along.

I know this because I have found my "one true love". We have the best of all three, emotional, intellectual and physical attraction in our relationship. I have never found that with anyone in my past relationships and I am truly grateful that the Universe gave me my perfect love. We have been together 2.5 years and still going strong!